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The aim of this section is to give
you some pointers to the pitfalls, and to help you avoid timewasters, or avoid
being seen as timewasters yourselves.
I have split the page into 4
categories;
Swingers include people who;
-
enjoy having sex with other
people as well as, and along with, their regular partner
-
enjoy watching their partner
have sex with someone else
-
enjoy having sex with lots of
people (greedy girls)
-
enjoy going to swingers
parties
The main criteria for being a
swinger is that you are open and honest with yourself, your regular partner and
the people you meet.
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Many couples enjoy fantasizing about
having sex with other people, more and more of these people are deciding to make
these fantasies become a reality, which is great news for the people already in
the scene, as we always enjoy having new people come and join us. There are of
course pitfalls and there are several things you should consider before you come
and join in the fun.
Don't push or pull your partner into
the scene.
Talk about your fantasies in the
cold light of day, if you both want to make them become a reality, then start
making contact with people. If either one of you is not ready, STOP.
Dragging a reluctant partner to
meet another couple, or taking them to a party is not going to make them
change their minds. There is a very high risk that it will lead to the end of
your relationship with each other.
Decide what your boundaries are.
Don't go along to your first
meeting or party without making sure you have agreed on what you are happy
doing, what you are happy for your partner to do, and what area's are no go
zones.
For example, maybe you agree that
on your first meeting you will be happy for both of you to get involved in
everything except full intercourse, as long as you both know what the
boundaries are, and you have told the people you are meeting what they are you
will have no problems as long as you stick to them.
When you get home that night, talk
about the experience, be it good or bad, make sure you were both OK with it,
and that you both want to move forward, or you want to stop.
If you are happy and want to move
forward, decide what changes, if any, you want to make to the rules under
which you both play. Never step outside your boundaries without agreement,
don't try to modify the boundaries on the evening, always start the evening
knowing exactly what is and is not allowed.
Warning: I have seen
people get divorced because they did not keep to their agreements.
Never fall in love!
Swinging is about having fun with
other people. Most of these people are in happy relationships and are looking
for sex, not love. Declaring your love for someone who is attached is going to
complicate the issues, and put strains on everyone's relationships, you could
even destroy your own and the other persons marriage.
If you are looking for love check
one of the many lonely hearts sites.
First steps
Decide on which fantasy you want
to fulfill first - meet a couple, meet a single guy, meet a single girl or go
to a party.
Each of the above has a different
degree of difficulty, I will now list them in ease of arranging
This is by far the easiest meeting
for a couple to arrange. There are a huge number of single guys who are happy
to be in a three some situation. There are several ways to meet a single guy,
the most reliable are to browse the men seeking couples ads, or to place your
own ad. If you place an ad make sure you explain the type of person you are
looking for, your boundaries, where you are, where you can travel, if you want
to meet at their location, your location or a neutral place.
Couples placing an ad to meet a
single guy on this site can expect up to 400 responses a day! of course most
of these will be people who do not meet what you are looking for. You will
need to put aside time to respond to the emails, even if just to say sorry, no
thanks.
There are many parties held every
weekend in most of the large cities in the UK.
Before you go read all the
information you can about the parties to ensure that they cater for new
comers, or for your tastes. Some venues have different kinds of parties on
different nights, so make sure you are aware of the type of party you will be
going to.
-
Couples only - pretty self
explanatory, there will only be other couples at the party.
-
Couples and singles - usually
a few couples and many single guys, occasionally a few single girls.
-
Greedy girls - up to about 6
girls and as many as 75 men.
-
Spa's - much like greedy girls
parties, though most have a couples only area where you can get some
respite.
Party etiquette is that if you say
No to someone they must leave you alone. If they do not, complain to the
management.
click here to
see the etiquette section.
This option is almost as easy, but
you now have 4 people, all of whom will have to be happy with the other pair,
be patient and look for people you are both happy with. Expect some knock
backs, just because you fancy a couple, and each other, it does not follow
that the couple will fancy both of you!
After you have made contact via
email, and it looks as though the four of you may have enough in common to
meet. Arrange to talk on the phone. This is an important step, as you will
need to weed out single guys pretending to be couples and husbands (and
occasionally wives) who are trying to pull their partner along by making
arrangements. When you make the arrangement use a mobile number, or you could
end up with unwanted calls to your home number. You must make sure that all 4
of you talk, do not accept excuses that the partner is late home from work,
putting the kids to bed, nursing a dying mother or shagging the England
football team, if you cannot talk to them, they probably do not exist, or are
not aware of the situation. (this is a very common ploy by desperate single
guys, who have been known to turn up at dates on their own claiming that the
wife is ill, but she said it was OK for him to come on his own!)
By far the most difficult to
achieve. There are relatively few single girls in the scene, those that are
tend to be in friendships with couples. I have known couples search for 2
years without finding a single girl to join them.
Whoever you are going to meet
remember that although its scary, the other people will be as nervous as you.
Don't get drunk or drugged up. No once fancies people who are not in control of
their faculties. A drink to steady the nerves is OK, bouncing off the walls and
throwing up is not going to impress anyone.
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Welcome, you are the most sought
after category in the scene!
Many of the couples and almost all
the single guys who advertise on my sites - about 4,500 adverts a month, would
like to meet you. You can afford to be choosy, and pick the person or people you
want to play with.
If you advertise on Benidorm Swingers
you will probably be hit with over 400 emails a day, so be prepared to do a lot
of reading. When you
place your ad explain exactly what you are looking for, even eye/hair colour,
some of the guys do read the ads before responding, but many just send a
standard response to every girl and couple who advertise in the hope that
someone somewhere will want them. If you are happy to respond to all the emails
say so in the ad, if you will not be responding to some people - those with no
photo, those who have brown eyes when you asked for blue etc. - say so in the
ad.
Be honest, and keep to your word.
Describe yourself accurately. If you are a size 16, say so, don't pretend that
you are a size 12-14. Guys are not quite so stupid that on meeting you they will
not realize. You will also find that there is a big demand for larger
girls.
If you say in your ad that all
emails will be answered, answer them, even if just a "no thanks, not this
time".
If you do find someone you want to
meet make sure you do so in a safe environment, not at that persons house. Meet
in a pub or hotel lounge, make sure you are happy with them in a social setting
before making arrangements to meet them in private. If they say they are a
couple talk to both people on their telephone, make a note of their number - you
must make sure that you talk to both of them, do not accept excuses that the
partner is late home from work, putting the kids to bed, nursing a dying mother
or shagging the England football team, if you cannot talk to them, they probably
do not exist, or are not aware of the situation.
When you leave home make sure
someone knows where you are going, leave a sealed envelope to be opened if you
do not ring in by a certain time, in it put the email addresses, telephone
number and location of the meeting, its better to be safe and embarrassed than
dead.
Whoever you are going to meet
remember that although its scary, the other people will be as nervous as you.
Don't get drunk or drugged up. No once fancies people who are not in control of
their faculties. A drink to steady the nerves is OK, bouncing off the walls and
throwing up is not going to impress anyone.
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Guys you have the hardest struggle
of all. There are thousands of us all wanting to get involved in the swinging
scene, most it must be said simply because its the easiest way to get sex
without getting a mortgage, kids and an overdraft!, many due to broken marriages
or relationships, but sadly there also many miss-fits; like the guys who have no
social graces and are therefore unable to make friends through work or social
gatherings, those who see themselves as gods gift to women, and as a result no
woman wants to know them, and sadly the ones who have odour problems.
You will have to make a lot of
effort to be picked by a couple or a lady.
Things that may help you.
-
Honesty - don't exaggerate your
looks, ability, wealth etc. If you are 30 say 30, if 50 say 50. Ladies are
more interested in the real you than an age, but if they catch you lying
about one thing, they will not trust you on anything else! If you are a
married male or a "significant other" playing away from home, say
so, pretending to be single but sneaking off to make phone calls, or having
to rush off to beat a curfew is not going to fool anyone for very long.
-
Relevancy - If you respond to an
ad, make sure you are what the advertiser is looking for. Don't respond to
an ad asking for a 20 something green eyed, blonde male if you are 45, gray
hair and brown eyes - you will just frustrate the advertiser by clogging up
their mail box.
-
Concise - Make your email
response concise, but not a one line "I want to shag you" Make
sure that you fit the description of the person the advertiser is looking
for, and reiterate the points where you fit the description. Don't send them
a 2000 word essay outlining your every fantasy and experience to date, you
can go into these details later. Remember first impressions count, be
polite, open, and to the point without being blunt.
-
Grooming - If you get lucky and
are invited to meet socially turn up smart. An unshaven, guy in crumpled
clothes and smelling of sweat will not get you into their bedroom - unless
the girl has specified that she is looking for a bit of rough. On the other
hand, don't wear a bottle of aftershave!. Dress appropriately for the venue,
smart casual - clean pressed clothes- will see you through in most venues.
Remember to shower, clean your teeth and brush your hair.
-
Pictures - If you are sending a
picture, or putting a picture on your ad follow a few simple rules.
-
Unless requested send a face
& body shot, don't use cock shots, girls look at eyes, hands, bums,
legs and hair before they look at cocks. It may be your pride and joy, but
it is more likely to lose you responses than gain them for you. If they do
want to see your 9" monster they will ask.
-
Use a recent picture, you can
fool someone until you meet them. Just because you get them to meet you
does not mean you will get any further if the picture was of someone else,
or you 10 years ago.
-
Put your email address across
the centre of the picture, this is to stop photo collectors, and to enable
people to remember which photo goes with which email.
-
Make the picture about 600 X
600 pixels, no more than 96dpi and a .jpg this will send through the
emails quickly, and not take up all the persons hard disk space. I know 3
couples who delete any email where the picture is more than 250k.
-
Couples - as a single male you
are more likely to get action with a couple, than you are with a single
girl. Don't worry, you will find that most of the guys in couples are
straight, but they love to watch their wife with another guy/guys. You just
clarify before the meet that a) there is a couple by talking on the
telephone and b) asking outright if the guy is straight.
-
Parties - There are parties
running every weekend. Most are for couples only, some are for couples and
guys or greedy girls and guys. It is a sad fact of life that 90% of the time
you will be charged more as a single guy than the couples or girls will pay,
this is down to supply and demand. Do not go to these parties looking for a
one on one session with a girl, it is just not going to happen. If however
you follow the rules of etiquette, you are almost guaranteed sex, as the
girls who attend these parties like to have lots of men. You will find that
most often it is the clubs that cater for single men rather than parties
held by swingers in their homes. Before you go to a party make sure you read
the etiquette section on this site.
click
here to see the etiquette section.
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Single girls - If you see an ad
from a single girl, read it carefully. If it looks to good to be true, it
probably is. Lots of girls are actually guys advertising trying to collect
your pictures (see info about pictures above), others may be escorts trying
to get you to call them, and of course some of them are real - JoJo of GoJoJoGo.com
is genuine, Janey of http://janeyweb.com
and Juliet of http://julietxxx.com
are all genuine. if they advertise, they are looking for what they say in
their ad.
-
Sobriety - Don't get drunk, or
try kissing the girl if you are stinking of beer. Take some breath fresh
mints with you. Remember, although the girl is looking for some fun in the
sack, she has many other guys to choose from. Whoever you are going to meet
remember that although its scary, the other people will be as nervous as
you. Don't get drugged up either. No once fancies people who are not in
control of their faculties. A drink to steady the nerves is OK, bouncing off
the walls and throwing up is not going to impress anyone.
-
Grace - If you respond to an ad
and you get a turn down, don't harass the advertiser. Be graceful and accept
that you may not fit the persons requirements. Sending dozens of mails
asking for reasons or being abusive will not get you anywhere, and in many
cases will mean that a warning goes around the community to avoid you.
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Love - Never fall in love with a
swinger. Swinging is about having fun with other people. Most of
these people are in happy relationships and are looking for sex, not love.
Declaring your love for someone is going to complicate the issues, and put
strains on everyone's relationships, you could even destroy the other
persons marriage.
If you are looking for love
check one of the many lonely hearts sites.
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First Date - Turn Up, On time,
remember - You only have one chance to make a first impression - screw up
the first meeting and you are history. You will be seen a as timewaster, and
couples talk. If you make a good impression they will probably meet you
again, they may share you with their friends, and take you to parties. Make
a bad impression and the word will go around that you are no good, your
chances of swinging will drop to zero. The swinging scene does not
work on the adage "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen".
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